I'm going to jail i love you
he shaved USA in his pubs
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
