I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need to sanitize my soul.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
