remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
