I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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