its not stalking. its research.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
