You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
