How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
