Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
