hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We're too hungover to prance.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
