She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
