no, he came in my armpit
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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