I am in a vortex of obligation.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
