party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
