you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
