6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
