i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
