she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
