My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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