She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
