I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
