please come you make the beer taste better
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
