She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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