youre lurking in front of me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
