you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
