You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
