sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
