the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
