M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
