College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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