I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
