My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
