took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
