can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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