i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
