My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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