ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
