Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
