you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
