I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Buhtt sex?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
