Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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