Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize