he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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