dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
