yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
