no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
