took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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