he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
