I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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