Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
