I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
