Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
