And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
