butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
