Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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