drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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