there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
