I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
