I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
